We may not know which way to go
On this dark road
(Mr. Duckworth)
All of these hoes make it difficult
Session ten, breakthrough

One of these lives, I'ma make things right
With the wrongs I've done, that's one of you now
With the Father, Son, 'til then, I fight
Rain on me, put the blame on me
Got guilt, got hurt, got shame on me
Got six magazines that's aimed at me
Done every magazine, what's fame to me?
It's a game to me, where the bedroom at?
Sleep, I ain't had to flex with that
What's fed when the hearts and the words don't reach?
What's fed when the money don't take things back?
It's rare when somebody take your dreams back?
I care too much, wanna share too much
In my head too much, I shut down too
I ain't there too much, I'm a complex soul
They layered me up, then broke me down
And moralities dust, I lack in trust
This time around, I trust myself
Please everybody else but myself
All else fails, I was myself
Out done fear, out done myself
This year, you better one yourself
Masks on the babies, mask on an opp
Wear masks in the neighborhood stores you shot
But a mask won't hide who you are inside
Look around, the realities carved in the lies
Wipe my ego, dodge my pride
Look myself in the mirror
Amityville, I ain't seen nothin' scarier
I fought like a pit bull terrier, blood I shed could fill up aquariums
Tell my angels, "Carry 'em"
Every emotion been deprived
Even my strong points couldn't survive
If I didn't learn to love myself, forgive myself a hundred times, dawg

I love when you count me out (huh)
I love when you count me out
I love when you count me out
I love when you count me out
F*ck it up, f*ck it up
F*ck it up, f*ck it up, fuckin' it up
How you gon' win my trust when the lies run deep? (wah, woo, wah)
How you gon' bend your love when the bad don't sleep?
Beep, beep, crash our feelings in the middle of the street (vroom, vroom)

F*ck it up, f*ck it up
F*ck it up, f*ck it up, fuckin' it up

When you was at your lowest, tell me where the hoes was at?
When you was at your lowest, tell me where the bros was at?
Three-thirty in the mornin', scroll through the call log
Ain't nobody but the mirror lookin' for the fall off

I love when you count me out
I love when you count me out
I love when you count me out
I love when you count me out (wah, woo, wah, woo, wah)

My name is in your mouth, shoo, shoo
It's gon' take more than pride to stop
Call 9-1-1, I caught a body
Sun up now, yesterday is fadin'
Healing's only one mile away
Let me tell you 'bout the women I know (that's my baby)
I know karma like to follow us strong 
I know millionaires that feel alone
Anytime I couldn't find God, I still could find myself through a song
Many find they life in a phone

F*ck it up, f*ck it up
F*ck it up, f*ck it up, fuckin' it up

You said I'd feel better if I just work hard without liftin' my head up
That left me fed up
You made me worry, I wanted my best version but you ignored me
Then changed the story
Then changed the story
Good energy in the room, drop the location, please
Antibiotic for the womb, when I'm frustrated, please
Tryna keep my good conscious in rotation
Thoughts in my head, they livin' there with no (gotta keep my good)
I made a decision, never give you my feelings
F*ck with you from, f*ck with you from a distance
Some put it on the devil when they fall short
I put it on my ego, lord of all lords
Sometimes I fall for her, dawg

I love when you count me out
I love when you count me out
I love when you count me out
I love when you count me out
My name is in your mouth

F*ck it up, f*ck it up (shoo, shoo)
F*ck it up, f*ck it up, fuckin' it up

Miss Regrets, I believe that you done me wrong (Miss Regrets)
Miss Regrets, can you please exit out my home? (Miss Regrets)
Miss Regret, I think I'm better off alone (Miss Regrets)
(Miss Regret)
Miss Regret, I got these deep regrets
Some things I can't forget
Lord knows, I've tried my best
You said it's not my best
I came up out my flesh
Some things I must confess (ayy, ayy)
Spoke my truth, paid my debt (ayy, ayy)
Can't you see I'ma wreck? (ayy, ayy)
Let me lose, I digress (ayy, ayy)
This is me and I'm blessed (ayy, ayy)
This is me and I'm blessed (ayy, ayy)
This is me and I'm blessed (ayy, ayy)
This is me and I'm blessed (ayy, ayy)
Anybody fightin' through the stress? (ayy, ayy)
Anybody fightin' through the?

我有一个愿望，想写一写妈妈或祖母，很久以前生活在这片土地上的女性的故事。

一部女性版的《活着》，四代女性的友谊、抗争、泪水与欢笑

韩国最大网络书店22万读者票选“2021年度之书”

第29届大山文学奖获奖作，天才作家崔恩荣首部长篇小说！

女人们不再是仅供同情、怜悯的角色，也不再是装饰男人壮丽生活的配角。

她们是自己，生如草芥，彼此搀扶，尽全身之力对抗荒诞的时代。

和丈夫离婚后，三十一岁的我独自来到海边小城熙岭，却在那里邂逅多年未见的祖母。尴尬和沉默之后，孤独的心一点点靠近，我和祖母成为相互倾吐心声的朋友。在祖母家老屋的旧相册里，我发现一位和我长相非常相似的女子，依偎在少女时代的祖母身旁。

一个个鲜活的面孔逐渐从一张张黑白相片中，从一封封感人至深的书信中，从久远的回忆里，穿过女人生如飘萍、命如草芥的时代，走到我面前。

经过曾祖母、祖母和母亲，来到我身边的故事，

她们的人生在我的眼前重现。

现在的我能够触及她们吗?

正如过去无数的我组成了现在的我，

现在的我也能见到过去的无数个我吗？

崔恩荣：

1984年出生于京畿道光明市，高丽大学国文系毕业。2013年中篇小说获得“作家世界”新人奖后，开始踏上创作之路，作品有《祥子的微笑》《对我无害之人》。曾获许筠文学作家奖、金埈成文学奖、李海朝小说文学奖、第五届及第八届年轻作家奖、教保文库评选“2016和2018年度小说家”。

本书是崔恩荣的首部长篇小说，她说自己和书中人物一起度过了许多个四季。2020年在季刊《文学村》分四次进行连载，2021年7月正式出版。同年年底，获第二十九届大山文学奖，2022年年初被评选为“安山之书”。

她说：

“对我来说，过去的两年是我长大成人后最艰难的一段时光。那段日子我有一半的时间没能写作，剩下的时间则都在写《明亮的夜晚》。那个时期的我好像不是人，而是像个有人打一下就会倾泻而出的水袋。写这部小说的过程，也是我重新获得自己的身体，接纳自己的内心，成为一个人的过程。

写这本小说的时候我想到了我的祖母。战争时期到大邱避难的祖母，捡回冰箱保鲜盒给年幼的我做玩具屋的祖母，让我以后走远一些、给我买地球仪的祖母，是她的心造就了这部小说的世界。我祈祷，聪明开朗的祖母郑龙灿女士永远像现在一样健康！”